By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
