I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
