Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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