be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
