Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
