The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
