Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
