It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
