I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
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