haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
