you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
