You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
