sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
