She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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