wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
