I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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