Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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