Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Randomize
