I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
