he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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