i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
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