Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Randomize
