I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
