your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Swine flu. Run for my life!
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
