I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
