my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
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