and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
