apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
