i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
