And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
