Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
