Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
