I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
