she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
