I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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