ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
