nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
This is my gift to your gina
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Floor bacon is actually really good
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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