In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
