Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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