why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
