so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼‍♀️
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
