We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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