Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
