she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
