How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
