Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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