drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
