Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
