i think my mom watched the whole time
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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