i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Someone signed my nipple.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
